


Octopus Friend

by AlphaShae, Cyriusli



Category: One Piece
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Humor, M/M, Nakama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 06:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9589718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlphaShae/pseuds/AlphaShae, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyriusli/pseuds/Cyriusli
Summary: Inspired by Kuravix's AU where the octopus that Zoro met before the crew reached Jaya stuck around for all the Strawhat Pirate adventures. No octopi were harmed in the making of this crack-fic.





	

 

“One thousand twenty-three, one thousand twenty-four…” Zoro noticed the position of the morning sun and carefully set down his barbells, “We better head down to breakfast before that shitty cook gets his panties in a knot.”

His new, cephalopod training partner dropped her own tiny set of weights that Usopp had made for her yesterday with a squeak of agreement before she curled her tentacles around Zoro’s outstretched arm and climbed onto his shoulder. He grinned at her before swinging over the edge of the crow’s nest, “Hold on there!”

Zoro felt the little octopus curl her arms securely around his neck as he swiftly climbed down Merry’s mast and hit the deck with a heavy thump. Predictably the rest of the crew had beaten him into the galley and were seated around the table waiting for Sanji to set out the food. The blond froze as Zoro walked in and his curly brows lowered in a hateful glare, “Oh hell no. That is not coming into my galley except in a bento box!”

Zoro raised his hand to rest protectively on top of his pet’s head. “Don’t listen to that asshole, he doesn’t mean it—”

Sanji cut him off. “Fuck you I didn’t mean it! You can turn your sweaty ass right around and come back when you don’t have Lunch wandering around on your shoulder.” As Sanji spoke, he finished plating breakfast, standing at the stove waving his spatula around like the crowned prince of Dumbass Kingdom that he was.

Luffy stood up from his spot at the table. “Sanji! Food! I’m hungry, who cares if Zoro brings the octopus to the table, we can eat it later!”

Zoro scowled at the captain as he took his seat, “She’s not food!” However, Luffy ignored him outright as he tried to stretch around Sanji to grab the towering plate of waffles and started a slap-fight with the moody cook. Zoro gave up the argument and leaned back in his chair, “Hey, curly-freak, can I get some booze over here?”

Sanji flattened Luffy’s hand with a frying pan before stomping over and slamming a mug of hot coffee down in front of the swordsman, “I am not facilitating your shitty alcoholism before fucking noon, you savage!” He made a quick grab at the octopus as he went back for the platters of food, but she skillfully avoided his grabby fingers and the blond muttered curses under his breath as he set out the food, “Fucking sushi… Mocking me, that motherfucker!”

Zoro threw a glare at Sanji as he walked away, leaning forward to pick up his butter knife from the side of his plate. “Here ya go, in case the shit cook decides to try and fight you again.” Zoro couldn’t help the smile that curved the corner of his mouth as his pet took the butter knife. She wrapped one tentacle around it securely before brandishing it in the air proudly. “Ah, good job!” Reaching up, Zoro gave the octopus’ squishy body a quick pat and prepared to settle into the battle that would be breakfast.

“Lunch is not keeping my good silverware, Marimo, just so we are clear.” Sanji sat down in his seat, growling out each word as he watched the octopus settle back down against Zoro’s neck and shoulder, squeaking happily about her new weapon.

“She can do what she wants. Don’t touch her,” Zoro flicked his eyes to where the blond was scowling at him before reaching to grab a waffle from the pile in the middle of the table. Ripping off a few pieces, he handed them to his pet, who took them, blowing a couple bubbles as she took the food from him.

Sanji’s eyebrow twitched in irritation as the octopus happily munched away. Zoro felt incredibly smug as he watched the blond grow more restless by the second. Apparently this bothered him more than Zoro thought - and he would milk every second possible. After all, cook-baiting was his favorite hobby. 

Eventually Robin’s request for tea distracted Sanji from the hateful glares he was throwing at Zoro and his new companion, and ruined the swordsman’s fun. But Zoro found that he’d made a grave mistake by messing around with annoying Sanji and not properly defending his plate as Luffy snagged his sausages. “Hey!” Zoro futilely stabbed at the captain’s retreating hand and promptly knocked over Nami’s glass of mikan juice.

She squealed and jumped back from the table before her drink ended up in her lap, “Zoro! Watch it!”

Zoro growled as he watched Luffy shove the stolen food into his stupid, bottomless face as the captain stared back unrepentantly. One of these days Zoro was gonna get Chopper to sew this glutton’s mouth shut so he could finish a damn meal. He felt an intense killing aura flare up behind him, and knew that he had mere moments to avoid one of Sanji’s bone-breaking kicks.

Just as he was tensing to move, Zoro caught his pet move, a pink flash darting from his shoulder, waving about her newly acquired butter knife as she leapt for Sanji, landing on his shin. There was a startled shriek as the blond jumped back - flailing around as he tried to dislodge her. The frantic shaking of his foot only encouraging the octopus to grip to him tighter. Ever so skillfully, she started to climb up his leg, making sure to keep all her tentacles wrapped around Sanji except for the one that was still madly waving the butterknife.

Across from them, Usopp was bent over, head on the table as he wheezed in lungfuls of air between his fits of laughter. He was banging one fist on the table in mirth while Chopper giggled helplessly beside him. Next to them, completely forgotten at this point, Luffy made himself busy with eating all of breakfast.

“Get it off!” Sanji yelped, slamming his back against the wall as the octopus climbed higher, reaching his chest and curling one tentacle around his throat. “Zoro!”

Standing, Zoro decided to have mercy on his panicked boyfriend and he gently tugged at one of his pet’s flailing arms, “All right, come on now, you clearly won. Give him a break.” Sanji was red-faced and teary-eyed as the little cephalopod finally released him to crawl back onto Zoro’s shoulder. Zoro gave her an absent pat before nodding at Sanji, “You okay, dumbass?”

Visibly, collecting himself, Sanji pulled out a fresh cigarette, “This precisely why you shouldn’t play around with food, goddamn mos…” Sanji stopped mid-insult and his eyes went wide, “Luffy you sack of shit, you ate everything?!” 

Luffy turned a sad pout toward the cook and patted his obscenely bulging stomach, “Why didn’t you make more, Sanji?” Throwing up his hands, Sanji stomped back to the stove. Snorting at the captain’s antics, Zoro decided to head out for a nap, not really caring about the lack of food; he hadn’t been all that hungry to begin with. There was no winning against the captain’s appetite, anyway.

As Zoro turned back for the door, his pet raised her butter knife over their heads, tooting out a little victory as they left the galley. Zoro chuckled lowly at her antics, reaching up to pet her as he made his way to his place at the bottom of the stairs for his nap. He removed his weapons from his side and settled against the rail, the octopus shifting around his neck and shoulder to get comfortable as well.

He woke with a start sometime later to Usopp yelling about incoming Marines and Zoro instantly jumped to his feet, returning his weapons to his side and trying to spot the ship. Around him the crew was hurrying to their posts; Luffy was already inflating himself to deflect a volley of cannon-fire, Robin was calmly observing the enemy movements alongside Nami, and Usopp was hiding behind a barrel. Zoro patted his little oceanic partner as she clicked and squeaked nervously, “Don’t worry, we trained for this. We’re the best crew on the Grand Line! Our nakama have our backs and we have theirs.”

The octopus stopped trembling and waved her butter knife with a determined expression, and Zoro nodded in approval, drawing one of his own swords. “Good. Show them no mercy, and throw everything you got at them.”

Sanji suddenly appeared at Zoro’s side. “You have got to be kidding me. You are bringing Lunch into this fight? You’re more stupid than I thought, Marimo.”

“Her name isn’t ‘lunch’. Her name’s--” A wooden plank dropped heavily onto Merry’s railing and Marines came swarming onto the deck. Zoro didn’t get a chance to finish his retort as he and the cook were separated by the enemy. He could hear Sanji fighting close by, but he knew the blond could handle this and he threw himself into battle. Everything fell away as Zoro lost himself in his attacks, grinning madly as he cut down enemy after enemy. His little pet wrapped a tentacle snugly around his neck, still bravely brandishing her butter knife as he fought his way across the deck.

He could hear his nakama fighting all around him, but the Marines seemed endless and it wasn’t until he heard Sanji curse that he realized he had gotten so far away from everyone else. As he moved to return to his crew, an enormous soldier charged at him like a bull - his sword was as broad as a grown man, and he was wearing thick armor inlaid with sea stone. Zoro braced himself for the impact as he brought all three of his swords up to block the first blow. This guy had to be one of the higher ups in the Marine regiment.

Across the deck Zoro could hear the rattle of a chain, and when he spun to meet his opponent's next thrust he caught a glimpse of Sanji dodging another skilled fighter. It seemed that the Marines had brought out their true strength once they’d realized that numbers alone couldn’t win the day. Zoro blocked the attack headed for his middle, swinging out with Yubashiri in an attempt to cut through this Marine and head onto the next. However, he’d underestimated the man, and his attack was deflected - forcing Zoro back against the ship’s rail.

He heard Sanji cry out in pain, and he allowed his gaze to stray from the enemy long enough to see that the cook’s dominant foot had been caught in that damn chain, and the ugly son-of-bitch Marine wielding it was stalking closer to Sanji raising the gleaming ax that formed the handle of the chain whip. As he blocked his opponent’s heavy sword, Zoro knew that he wouldn’t make it in time, “Get the fuck up, Sanji!”

Zoro’s call was still echoing around the deck when he felt the octopus clamber down from his shoulder. He didn’t think too much of it as the Marine attacking him came at him again, only catching a glimpse of pink from the corner of his eye as she darted across the deck. The little cephalopod scurried through the fighting Marines with surprising speed before launching herself at the chain-wielding Marine and wrapping her flexible body around his head. The Marine dropped his weapon with a muffled cry just as tentacles wrapped around his neck and began to squeeze. Sanji was watching in a daze as the Marine stumbled around, trying in vain to pull the sea creature off his head, but the octopus hung on stubbornly - slapping at his hands with the butterknife. It wasn’t long before the Marine passed out from lack of oxygen and fell to the deck with a sudden thunk. The octopus rolled loose with a surprised squeak and bumped into Sanji’s shoe. The cook frowned down at her as the octopus clung to his leg with frightened tentacles, but he didn’t shake her off. 

Zoro finally outmaneuvered his opponent - dispatching him swiftly with Kitetsu when the large Marine stumbled forward. Flicking the blood from his blades, Zoro spotted the cook and made his way through retreating Marines to Sanji’s side. The blond looked no worse for the wear, sneering as the Marine ship hastily sailed away from Luffy’s gatling punches - leaving most of their unlucky crew to jump off the side of the Merry to try and swim. Zoro snorted as he bent to scoop up his anxious pet, “Brave bunch, aren’t they?”

Sanji rolled his eyes, “Fucking pansies. That lot should just stick to land.”

“Are you okay?” Zoro asked, reaching his arm up to return his pet to her spot on his shoulder.

Chuckling, Sanji flicked the ashes off the end of his cigarette, “Of course I’m fine, shitty moss.”

Zoro smirked, “I wasn’t asking you. I was talking to--”

“SANJI! PARTY!” Luffy crashed into the cook with a laugh, “We won! You should make barbecue!”

“Fine, fine. Get off!” Sanji kicked the captain into the mast and turned to Nami as the girls approached, “How do you feel about some post-asskicking refreshments, my dears?”

Nami shrugged, “I could do with a smoothie.”

“A drink would be most appreciated, Mister Cook.” Robin answered, with a slight smile.

“Yes!” Luffy crowed, “Smoothies for everyone! And our new nakama!”

Usopp slapped his palm to his forehead, “Luffy, you can’t make an octopus one of the crew! It’s the same thing I told you about that pelican last week!”

Luffy pouted in response, “I don’t care! Nakama is nakama! And she’s Zoro’s nakama, so there!”

“Lu…” Usopp shook his head, “That makes no sense.”

“I decided! Sanji; smoothies!” Luffy laughed as he ran off with Usopp on his heels - still shouting about having a party and instantly getting Chopper riled up as well. 

Sanji scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Those idiots.” The cook pulled out a fresh cigarette and lit it before nodding at Zoro, “Want a drink?”

Zoro grinned, “Always.”

Snorting back a laugh, Sanji headed for the galley with the swordsman right behind him. Zoro patted their newest nakama on her little rounded head as she snuggled into the crook of his neck. He settled at the table and leaned back in his chair, watching as Sanji heated the sake, “Do we have any pickled wasabi?”

“Gods know why, but I do…” Sanji huffed as he pulled a small jar from the refrigerator and scooped a small amount into a bowl, “Do you want rice crackers with this shit?”

“Yeah, I do,” Zoro nodded slightly, reaching up to tangle his fingers in one of the octopus’s tentacles. “We can share. I bet you want a snack too after that fight.”

Sanji rolled his eyes as the octopus bubbled and squeaked on Zoro’s shoulder before he turned and set the bowl and rice crackers on the table in front of the man. Checking the sake, Sanji heaved a sigh and pulled another small bowl down from the shelf and retrieved a few dried sardines as well.

Shutting off the stove and placing the sake on the table, Sanji grabbed two glasses and the last small bowl. Settling into a seat across from Zoro, he set the second bowl next to the first. “I didn’t ask for these,” Zoro spoke, raising an eyebrow at Sanji as he handed the critter on his shoulder a cracker.

Sanji shrugged, keeping his eyes on the glasses as he poured both himself, and Zoro, a glass of the warmed sake. “Who says it’s for you, shitty swordsman?” Setting the bottle down, Sanji flicked his eyes up to Zoro, waiting for a reaction.

Zoro just blinked at him a moment before things seemed to click and he smirked, bobbing his head in a slight nod before picked up one of the sardines and handing that off to his pet as well. She clicked and squeaked again, raising her tentacles and showing off her prizes of food to him and Sanji as well. “She’s not so bad, Cook.”

“It’s not that,” Sanji reached out, grabbing his glass, “It’s just…” He made a little frustrated motion, nearly spilling his drink, “You know?”

The swordsman shook his head and answered dryly, “I don’t know what goes on in your curly brain, idiot.”

Sanji sneered, “Well I’m sure as hell not gonna kiss a man who goes around smelling like seafood!”

Zoro’s eyes narrowed at the challenge. Taking a long drink of sake, he set the cup down and smirked, “Is that so?”

Sanji glared and flicked away the ashes from the end of his cigarette, “Did I fucking stutter?”

“I heard you,” Zoro kept his voice even, reaching up to take his pet from his shoulder. He placed her on the table, where she instantly went after the bowl with the remaining fish in it. “I just think you’re mistaken.”

“I am not.” Sanji shot back, eyes moving to the octopus on the table before darting back to watch Zoro.

Placing both hands on the table, Zoro stood and walked around to Sanji’s side, before leaning over him. Sanji backed off a bit, eyeing Zoro and tensed as if for a fight that he thought was coming. Instead, Zoro reached up, threading Sanji’s bangs back behind his ear even as the cook startled a little and his face softened. “I was really worried for a minute there. I couldn’t get to you.”

“Idiot,” Sanji breathed out. “I don’t need you to protect me.”

“I know.” Zoro bent and placed an affectionate kiss on the cook’s forehead. He didn’t pull away - instead Zoro stayed close enough to let the tip of his nose brush Sanji’s. The cook wrinkled his nose in protest, and Zoro chuckled softly.

“Bastard,” There was no heat in Sanji’s tone though, and he reached up to pull the swordsman down into a lingering kiss. 

Zoro hummed with satisfaction before cupping the back of the cook’s head and deepening the kiss. Sanji made a little needy sound into the caress, making Zoro shudder. He grabbed the front of the blond’s shirt, urging him to his feet so he could properly get his hands on his lover. Sanji grunted in irritation, sharply pinching him in his side before breaking the kiss and growling, “Watch the shirt, asshole. Do you even know how much of a pain in the ass it is to sew these buttons back on every time you decide you want to manhandle me?”

Snorting, Zoro leaned in and nibbled along the cook’s jaw before murmuring in his ear, “You complain, but you get so worked up every time I make the first move.” Sanji shivered as Zoro let his lips brush the shell of his ear, “Don’tcha, Cook?”

Sanji smirked at Zoro, sliding a hand up his chest to lay flat between his pecs. “Yeah,” he started, drawing out the word slightly. “I do.” Without warning, Sanji pushed against Zoro’s chest as he hooked a foot around the other man’s ankle, pushing him back and slamming his shoulders against the table.

Stepping around Zoro’s leg, he knees the swordsman’s legs apart, leaning over him as Zoro groaned and shook his head. Sanji could see the lust spark across his eyes as he looked up at him and he pressed close to him, grinding his hips against Zoro’s. “But I don’t like it as much as you do, horny moss bastard.”

Reaching up, Zoro grabbed Sanji’s tie, pulling him down into a harsh kiss with a low moan. Sanji braced a hand against the table near Zoro’s head, deepening the kiss as he rolled his hips against the other man, feeling both their arousals stir with the growing excitement. Zoro finally broke the kiss, panting into Sanji’s space as he swallowed. “Fuck, Cook, just… fuck.”

Sanji chuckled, leaning down to kiss Zoro again, inhaling sharply through his nose as Zoro bucked his hips to meet Sanji’s shallow thrusts. “My thoughts exactly, Marimo.”

Spreading kisses down Zoro’s throat, Sanji tugged the swordsman’s shirt loose from his haramaki and pants. He placed hot, open-mouthed kisses along Zoro’s exposed stomach as Sanji pointedly yanked at the sweaty fabric until Zoro curled forward enough to pull his shirt off completely and toss it away. Sanji made a satisfied noise in his throat - lightly biting at the swordsman’s bunched abs before pulling away to unbutton his own dress shirt.

Zoro followed him, sitting upright and reaching out to impatiently undo all of Sanji’s shitty buttons. “Why can’t you wear normal clothes like the rest of us, curly?” Sanji huffed out a laugh as his lover rested his head on the cook’s shoulder and groaned. Zoro tugged the blond’s loosened collar open further to bite him on the shoulder in retaliation.

“Ouch - hold on you needy fucker!” Sanji growled as he let his open shirt slide to the floor before threading his fingers into Zoro’s thick, green hair and giving it a pointed tug. The swordsman stopped his fucking gnawing on Sanji only to fall back and drag the cook with him.

Sanji caught himself on one hand, grinning down at Zoro as the swordsman watched him with lust-darkened eyes. However, as Sanji leaned in to catch Zoro’s kiss-swollen lips, there was a flash of movement in his peripheral vision. Startled, Sanji jerked his head up and locked eyes with the forgotten octopus contentedly waving it’s butterknife at the other end of the table. The recently removed-from-the menu catch-of-the-day starting bubbling and squeaking, raising the rest of it’s arms into the air and wiggling about. Going pale, Sanji jerked away from Zoro, grabbing at his shirt and tugging it back over his shoulders. “What the fuck, Cook?” Zoro snapped, throwing him a glare.

“Ah, no, there is no way we are doing anything with that thing staring at us!” Sanji motioned sharply at the octopus who was making noodle-like movements in response to the cook’s gestures. 

Zoro scowled, “She’s not a thing - her name is--”

“I don’t care what her name is!” Sanji snapped, “We’re not having sex with an octopus watching!”

“Fine! Apparently you are too busy bitching to ask her to leave.” Sliding off the edge of the table, Zoro marched around to the other side and opened the galley door, “I need to settle something with the shitty cook, can you give us a minute?”

Sanji rolled his eyes, “You are a fucking lunatic, you know that?”

Giving Sanji a little good-luck toot and a cheerful wave, the little cephalopod rolled off the table and landed on the floor with a soft plop. The cook was left staring, wide-eyed as the octopus crawled out onto the deck after giving Zoro an affectionate raspberry. The swordsman raised an eyebrow at Sanji before closing the door with a firm click. 

Outside on the deck the tiny octopus looked around at the excited crew. Zoro had told her all about them, and she enjoyed seeing their antics for herself. Not far away she saw the navigator, Nami, and Robin enjoying some sun on their deck chairs. The archeologist was chuckling over the newly delivered papers in her hands while the little doctor, Chopper, was shrilly protesting at her side over ‘why did the bastard octopus get a higher bounty than me?! It’s only been one day!’ She couldn’t wait to show Zoro. He would be so proud of her! 

The loud captain caught her attention next as he yanked on a fishing pole. She scurried over to see what the ruckus was about. The curly-haired sniper, Usopp, startled when she came up to his boots, and froze when she politely tapped his leg, “H-hi?” Usopp questioned and she squeaked a greeting before climbing up his leg to get a better view. The sniper flailed as she reached his shoulder, making her wrap her tentacles around him to keep from being flung into the ocean, “L-L-Luffy! It’s attacking me!”

“Huh?” Luffy glanced over and grinned broadly, “Cool! I wanna hold her!” 

The little octopus clung tighter to Usopp when the rubberman reached for her. She had seen him stuff far too many things down his pants to be willing to let him get ahold of her just yet. Finally, she let herself drop to the deck, rolling away in a hasty retreat while behind her the sniper whined about terminal sucker-marks and the captain laughed. She squeaked in surprise when she bumped suddenly into a familiar black, dress shoe.

The cook looked down at her curiously - looking much more disheveled than he had earlier with his hair mussed and his shirt buttons mismatched. He grinned around the cigarette in his mouth and she tootled back in greeting. He snorted in amusement before bending and showing her the little dried herring in his hand, “Don’t tell Luffy.” He straightened up and shouted, “I have good news my lovely ladies! Dinner will be served in twenty minutes! And shitty bastards! Wash up before you even think about coming to the table, you heathens!”

Giving an amused burble, the octopus wandered off to find Zoro. She located him in his favorite napping place at the bottom of the stairway leading to the helm. He was still shirtless and a little sweaty, but she didn’t care as she went over and cuddled against his thigh. He patted her affectionately before crossing his arms and falling asleep. It only took a few moments before she was also snoring contentedly in the warm sun.

**Author's Note:**

> Please visit Kuravix at http://kuravix.tumblr.com/ Art for this AU is under #octopus friend.


End file.
